之前解析请见【牛津课堂】>【原创干货】>【文书关4-5】。请注意：

◆ 本系列所有文章为学弟学妹提供实例，已事先获得本人同意

◆ 为防止无良中介恶意抄袭/盗用，不提供具体修改过程

I came to XX in 2012 to get more research experience. Additionally, unlike my former university, it is much easier to find people harboring the same dream as me. My study field in SJTU, without question, is still XX. During the last nearly 2 years here, I met many obstacles in both life and research. I'm always at wits' end and cannot find a reason to further my research, let alone to study abroad. While I was always telling myself “That’s alright, just keep calm and carry on.”I got through those valleys, and now I have three papers published in a prestigious journal of my field as the first, third and fourth author, respectively. More importantly, I realize what I boast in scientific research now is more than interest. I just enjoy coming up with creative ideas and making breakthroughs in the hydrogen materials or technology. Maybe, one day I will truly change the worldly energy system and make some real differences for the world. Who knows?

 评价：

◆ 再次出现对比问题

◆ 对于战胜困难的能力体现严重不足

◆ 再次出现疑问/反问式句型

◆ 对于long-term和short-term goal没有具象化，全是抽象描述

To convince my supervisor of the feasibility of choosing XX as my research topic, I spent two months preparing a comprehensive research proposal. After I commenced my experiments, everything went smoothly until an A emerged during the B and blocked the C. For two weeks, this puzzle lingered. I consulted with several professors and carefully studied their suggestions. As I had developed the habit of documenting my ideas immediately, I reviewed every note until I realized that the unknown D actually originated from E. The relationship was later proved through a simulation and presented in a published paper (I was first author). This discovery, which was the deciding factor in the quality of my independent research, has shown that persistence in thinking and refusal to surrender to challenges are the keys to success. Emboldened by my accomplishment, I continued my independent research on the E, a key point in its application. After successfully achieving F, as first author, I submitted another original paper.

评价：

同样，对于另外一段academic experience,

使用了solid evidenceabilities/skills如何solve specific problems,且bring concrete benefits

◆ 对于第三段acadmeic experience, 简单带过，作为supporting information

◆ paper/design/books等是作为achievement最直接的证明，但不需要列出具体信息（如paper名等）